Commercials suck ass.

It is almost impossible to turn on the damn TV without running into a slew of commercials screwing up whatever you are watching. One thing you may notice as well: there are too many commercials out now that talk about uncomfortable things that make me sick.



These commercials are always the same. There is a woman loading a canoe, skydiving, or mountain climbing with her husband. Then, the music cuts in and the woman announces that she has herpes. If you haven't changed the channel yet, it goes on, flashing picture after picture of the happy couple, kissing and spreading herpes.

Which brings me to a question: if you have herpes, why would you even THINK of having sex? All I could think about is killing myself of scalding off my privates with boiling hot oil. Sex? No wonder STDs spread so fucking much. They should shoot everyone with STDs into space, so they can fuck around and spread it as much as they want.

Another commercial, although rarer, is much more disturbing: the Nasonex bee. Besides from being a part-time pedophile, the Nasonex bee has an allergy problem. His perverse sexual fantasy with a flower cannot be fulfilled until he is blasted with Nasonex. Do bees even have a fucking nose? I really don't think so.



Lastly, the one that everyone is laughing about: the Domino's Cheesy Garlic Bread Pizza. This is a complicated commercial, so let me break it down for you.

It starts out with a bunch of mutants eating a pizza, actually, molesting a pizza by smelling, tasting, looking, and hearing it. The mutant with the big mouth gets mad that the big nosed guy won't taste it, so he jams pencils up his nose to kill his sense of smell. The big nosed guy smashes the big mouthed guy in the face until his teeth are all knocked out. Meanwhile, the big eyed guy tries to break it up, but ends up getting his eyes poked out when the big nosed guy sneezes, shooting the pencils into his eyes. Hilarity ensues when the big eared guy's ears explode from the loud volume of his neighbor playing "Hips Don't Lie" while he is strapped to a chair, being forced to eat the remains of his mutant friends.

Actually, the only part of that that is true is the first sentence. But, if the commercial was actually like that, I wouldn't mind so much.